A nasty end

I've posted here several times anonymously about how shitty my relationship is. I've had so many of you tell me to leave and I never listened until now..

So yesterday I decided I'd had enough.

My boyfriend or Ex I guess idk got mad that I slept thru his lunch break. Well I was tired and haven't been sleeping well at night. He got pissed and sent me a bunch of pretty nasty text accusing me of cheating and saying he'd get the landlord to check on me to see if anyone was there. I thought it was bullshit. We started fighting and well it just got worse.

He got home from work and started crying cause he saw my bags were packed. I told him the next time I packed it was for real. I'd packed twice before but ended up unpacking in the end.

He cried alot begged me not to leave and I told him I didn't know what I was doing. My depression has gotten so bad. I literally just stopped taking care of myself. I didn't feel a need to with him. He made me feel miserable most of the time.

So he threatened to leave me and I honestly wanted him to but he didn't . Drove away only to come back. He does that often.

Well after a while I got tired of it and kinda shoved him out the door telling him to be the father to his son he should be. He tackled me to the floor. I was wrong to do so but well I'm pregnant and super emotional.. still no excuse.

Well I started screaming at him to leave and somewhere between Al this he throws stuff at me including a ceramic bowl which left a mark. He bit me which left a mark and punched my thigh which hasn't shown up yet but I feel it.

I told him I was going to call my mom to come get me and he stopped me. Tackled me to the floor again and took my phone. Held me hostage in the house so I screamed bloody murder. I've had several guys keep me hostage. I got physical with him. I claim self defense for the most part. I clawed the hell out of him but he was holding me so tight making it so I couldn't breathe. I wanted him off of me. O but him and definitely left a mark. Not proud of any of this. I'm just glad it's over. This was definitely the worst it'd ever gotten. I thought dragging me out of a car on the side of the road was bad 🤷

All I know now is I need to heal and focus on me and my growing baby. I'm back at home with family now and I've never felt safer in my life. I've got nothing to my name. No car no money no job but I'm gonna work on it. I have to.

I stayed way too long in a toxic relationship claiming it was love but I promise abuse is not love.