I need advice

So my SO keeps asking me what's wrong. And I always say nothing because I dont know how to word it when nothing SHOULD be wrong.

Let me get into a little back story. We've been talking for years. We made it official about 4 months ago. I had just gotten out of an abusive relationship. I cheated on him with my ex. And I wasnt perfect the first month of our relationship. The last 3 months, I cant have friends. I can't leave the house without him. I cant talk to anyone. He'll grab my phone out of my hands if I dont announce what I'm doing before I do it. I'm not giving up because he didnt give up on me. I want him to understand what I'm exactly going through and everytime I complain about not having friends or anyone, it turns into an arguement about how he cant trust me because of what I did. He made me lose my job because I told him a coworker whispered in my ear calling me sexy and he showed up and started screaming in the store, got onto the counter, to the point where my boss just told me not to come back. I just started a new job. But tonight (hes sleeping right now) i sent him this: You keep asking me what's wrong every night. And to be honest, I say nothing because I dont know what's going on with me. One second I'm fine. Everythings fine. And the next I want to break down and cry. Part of me says that theres no reason to be sad, or upset, or hurt. The other part of me understands fucking everything. I get why I just give up sometimes. I get why I get mad too fast or lose my patience when other days I wouldn't have. I just feel so alone. I know I have you. But we have so many issues. I know we can work through them. But what happens when one day you decide to just give up like you've mentioned twice in the past month? You're fucking everything to me. I literally dont know what I'd do without you. And you've shown me how easy and random you can change your mind about us after I've left everything from my life before you behind. We could be fine and 10 minutes later you're trying to find the words to tell me you dont want to be with me anymore. Is it really that random? Do you really want to be with me? Maybe you do care, so you just stay with me so you dont hurt me? All of this shit runs through my head everyday. And I want to think positively about everything, but when it comes down to it, I really dont know what's going on in your head. So when you ask me what's wrong when I seem upset for no reason. That's what's wrong. You've barely been paying attention to me. And when you do it's not like were actually doing something together, I just come along with you. My head just messes with me sometimes. It's my fault. So I say nothing. I'm sorry it bothers you. I love you.

Now, I dont know what to do about this. I dont know if I'm depressed because of other issues going on in my life that are just now coming out like my mom passing away 3 years ago. My daughter living at her dads. My dad not being the best father there is. My grandparents that raised me all passed away within the past year. It's like during the day everything's fine, but at least 2 times a week I just lose it and break down and cry about it all. I just want things to be better between him and I. I want to be able to do things with him and start earning his trust back, but he just wants to do what he wants to do and just drag me with whether I want to or not. Money is an issue at the moment, but how hard is it to just help me organize our room, or make brownies or color a picture with me? Something we can say we actually did together. He randomly says he doesn't think were gonna work out because he'll never be able to trust me again. But other times he says were gonna work through our issues and were going to make it together. And other times it's like I'm not even there. What do I do you guys? How do I make this better or what do I say?