Trying for kids

**UPDATE**

I wasn’t able to reply to everyone but thank you to all who responded! I will defiantly be standing up for myself!

So my SO and I are trying for our first baby together. I have one from when I was 15 I got pregnant and my life was made into a living hell by my adoptive mother. The baby was adopted and ever since the I had the baby my adoptive mom has just been a selfish bitch and made my life really hard. My SO and I are trying to have a baby, and I may be pregnant right now but it’s too early to tell... after all the hell she gave me I’m scared to have another baby or even let her be around this baby... does this make me selfish? What can I do to overcome this? In the years since she has adopted me she has

•made me put my baby for adoption

•Blamed me for her family not talking to her and saying that “she let me give the baby up”

•ruined a relationship I had with a former boyfriend (I’m glad she did now but at the same time it was wrong the way she did it)

•always compares me to her biological daughter and favors her biological daughters kids

• Stole $3000 of my student loans reimbursement money and only gave me $300 of it and yelled at me for using it

•has given me severe anxiety, and body confidence issues

•Called me a selfish ungrateful bitch for being depressed

And much more... I was more a maid then a daughter in her household.. and she has neglected several of my health issues and put my siblings (biological also adopted) in danger as well.. I just don’t know what to do... I really want a baby, but with her being so judgmental and doing everything she has in the past I don’t know if I want one or if I want the baby to be around her... can someone please give me advice?