I read his messages☹️

So, I’ve just taken my boyfriend out a phone contract that I’m currently paying until he gets a new card. He’s never really been one for having a phone so that insecurity of “I wonder who he’s texting” has never existed in our relationship. Anyways I was on his phone sending myself photos he has taken of us the night before when I come across a text from a girl called Robyn, I instantly knew who it was. She had been a family friend and previously when me and him were talking but not together and had fallen out he told me he had slept with a girl...5 months later when we’ve sorted things out and have made it official he admits that she had came down from Glasgow, started at his and slept with him and they had been doing this for years but it “means nothing” he also says that they did once try “talking/seeing each other/trying to make it work” but it just wasn’t right??

Anyways, since me and him officially being together he’s not spoken to her, never brought her up, until I get him a phone.

Now I couldn’t see the first message he had sent her as he walked into the room and I clicked off the messages but it was apparent that she hadn’t replied to this is hours so he replies again “are you alive?”

I’m just wondering why when I’m sat spending time with him he really needs to be begging for her attention it just makes me feel like I’m almost not good enough and maybe I was his second option. I read more of his Facebook messages with her where he had been slagging me off when we werent together and how they should meet up so he can talk about it in person because it’s a “hilarious situation” they also go on to say that they love each other and miss each other and it seems as through he’s really protective over her. Now none of this was while we were together or speaking so I can’t argue with that. However I can’t help but feel so uncomfortable with the situation of them speaking now. I question him on it and he says “I’ll never understand the stuff she’s been through” anyways I find a article online from 2014 she was stabbed and robbed, okay horrible. I asked why I can’t know what’s gone on with her considering her she’s got news articles online about it and he says “well you’ve never been stabbed or raped so you wouldn’t understand” correct I have not been stabbed, however I had been raped (passed out, woke up to someone having sex with me when I was totally unconscious) my boyfriend knows this so I said “well I have been raped” and his reply was “yeah but you weren’t awake,she was”

I don’t know if he realises how hurtful that is, and I can’t understand why he’s protecting her so much. I dont know what to do or if I’m even allowed to have a problem with them speaking after all he’s known her longer than me. How do I feel comfortable with this because it’s all I can think about. He assures me that he loves me and that what he has with me doesn’t come close to anything he’s had with anyone else but tells me I’m never going to stop him from talking to Robyn. I know I can’t stop him from doing that, I’m just wondering why he’s never had to speak to her until now. (She was raped months ago this is not recent if people thought that’s the reason for him messaging)

Yes I know I shouldn’t have went through his phone, we have each other’s passwords we go on each other’s phone all the time just think this I happened to stumble across this 😞

Thanks x