Confused Need to Vent

Please before you judge Read the whole story ....

I was Raped and abused physically by my husband for years. No one knew I kept it a secret. he kept me away from my family and friends. we are currently married going on 6 years. We have No kids after I was diagnosed wit PID. Last year I had enough decided to walk out on him and couldn't take it anymore after wanting to take my own life.

I realized things were getting worse and I repeatedly blamed myself I decided living unhappy was the worst pain I was facing it was affecting me mentally. In 2017 I left and was separated from my husband 6 months after I meet someone we both fell in love and wanted to get married. However I felt I was wrong because I cheated.

I came back with divorce papers and told him everything. My husband refused to sign he told me he wanted our marriage and was going to change I believe him and stayed didnt want to just give up on my marriage.

😔 😔 😔 😔

A few months later things started up again as if it never stopped the arguments the abuse and I know some people say why do us women allow it to happen. Deep down I wanted to believe saving our marriage would work now am not sure what to do. Some days it's like he is a whole different person I can't handle it anymore it's taking everything out of me ...please help