Am I a bad mum ?

Brace yourself it’s a long one sorry...

Gahh these last couple of weeks have been challenging and I guess I wanna know if it’s just me because no one seems to really talk about how hard motherhood is just more so the good/cute things...

don’t get me wrong I absolutely love being a mum and would never change a thing!

But this has not been as easy as I expected or I just had a different idea of what hard was...

I found out I was pregnant at 21 during my pregnancy I had everything go wrong, they monitored me during my pregnancy because they said my baby was going to have spinal bifida and Down syndrome (don’t get me wrong I would have loved him either way but it’s still a hard thing to hear) my pregnancy ended in a emergency c section due to a unstable heat rate but when he was born he was perfect and perfectly healthy with no issues , no Down syndrome no nothing.

The first year of me having him he would never sleep and would cry all day and all night long , my babies dad would come home to us both crying on the floor because I truthfully couldn’t handle it anymore (I feel so horrible because I know a lot of people have easy” babies or just have their shit together or are just good at hiding it).. I went and saw dr. , midwives , sleep schools , anyone I could go to I did...

a week before he turned one I went to a different dr who discovered that he is dairy intolerant and the formula he was having contained dairy proteins or his food that contained dairy was causing all his issues! I was heart broken that I had unknowingly hurt him for a year and that I was stupid to not even consider it being a issue.. my poor bubba was in pain.. so after changing his diet he started sleeping better, stopped crying more and just his whole personality changed!

But now he is 14 months old and the terrible 2s have started early , the tantrums , the constantly wanting to be picked up the crying... I don’t know what else I can do :(

I’ll be trying to do the dishes (they aren’t going to do themselves) and he just sits at my feet screaming until I pick him up (which I’ve been trying to avoid so I don’t make a habit of it) but I’m honestly at the stage I’m now yelling at him “stop it ! Your fine!” Or “stop it ! I can’t take it anymore!” And I feel so bad for him because I know he can’t express to me what’s wrong yet but it’s like he’s fed , clean , has toys , has everything he could need but yet just screams at me because I won’t pick him up for 0.2seconds...I just don’t know what to do :(

Does anyone else lose their patients at their children or is it just me..

I honestly love him more then anything and I’d do anything for him! I just feel no one else has this issue or no one talks about it 😔

Photo of my little trouble maker..