Crying during MIL Christmas visit

Today we went to see my MIL and FIL for Christmas. At first we were the only ones there but after about an hour my SIL, and cousin started to randomly show up. MIL is of course giving out gifts and we’re all having a good time.

Then MIL gets a call from another cousin (bebe) saying she’ll be at the house in 5 minutes.

Bebe is a sweet girl and has always been very nice and welcoming to me. But I didn’t want to see her today. She’s currently 34 weeks pregnant with a baby girl; just last month I lost my baby girl at the end of my 2nd trimester.

I texted my husband saying we needed to go because I knew I wouldn’t be able to handle it.Unfortunately he didn’t have service, and never got my message. A few minutes go by and I’m trying to politely excuse ourselves without saying to much. But as I’m doing so Bebe walks in, and I don’t want to come off as rude.

So I sit back down and try not to focus on everyone gushing over how cute and round her belly is. MIL starts giving Bebe her gifts, and of course some of them are baby related. I’m doing my best to hold back tears, I’m not looking in their direction, I’m taking several sips of my drink, picking up gift tissue etc etc.

But she opens a gift and everyone,” awe’s.” over it causing me to look. It was a black onesie with “Princess (insert baby’s name)” in silver writing. This is the moment I can no longer keep it together.

Thankfully my SIL catches a glimpse of my face and takes me outside. She hugged me, held me and cried with me until my husband found us.Once I’d composed myself my husband went and said our goodbye for both of us and we went to eat Chinese (my favorite food).

MIL calls and apologizes, she didn’t intentionally mean for that to happen (which I believe because she’s so sweet) and she wanted to check on me. Evidently everyone noticed me breaking down and felt bad.

Now I feel guilty because I didn’t want others to notice, and ruin their mood. I especially didn’t want Bebe to see and feel guilty or feel like she shouldn’t be excited, or feel like I was stealing her spot light 😔

I honestly thought I was doing ok, and coping, but maybe not....