My Wish.

This is my first time posting and I decided to post this because i just feel like I need to get this out there. I know I’m not the only one whose gone through this. November 16, 2017 I had found out I was pregnant, I was scared because I was still living with my family and going to college and trying to make them so proud. I was raised by my mom and my sister who went to college got her bachelors, got married and then had a baby so they had big hopes for me. Although I was scared my boyfriend was with me through it all and I knew it would all be okay as long as we were together and we would get through anything together. So we started to get excited about it because we never thought this would happen. Come December 5th, I had a miscarriage at 7 weeks, it was probably one of the worst things I had gone through and I didn’t know how to feel. Me and my boyfriend were so sad and just couldn’t understand why it had happened. At the hospital the doctor just kept saying “it’s just one of those things that happen & we don’t really know why but it’s very common.” So I continued to wonder why because I never got an answer and also blamed myself because I thought that maybe it was my fault I couldn’t have a baby. I was so terrified that my boyfriend would blame me to that he would think it was my fault but he didn’t, he was always there for me. A few weeks later I came to find out that the store I was working at was going out of business so I wasn’t going to have a job by December 29th. During this time my boyfriend was also trying to get a better job he was working for his parents so he wasn’t getting a regular paycheck. So once the store I worked at closed down and I was trying to find a job I came to the realization that the reason why I had a miscarriage was because God or the universe knew that we weren’t ready to have a baby because I was going to be out of a job and my boyfriend didn’t have a job to comfortably maintain a family. Realizing this, I started to feel better and I told myself that the day will come when I get to have a baby and it’ll happen when it is meant to happen. Fast forward to the beginning of December this year I felt like I was more ready, I have a stable job and so does my boyfriend. Even though we don’t have a place of our own yet we still live together and are trying to find a little home and it just feels like we are ready. We tried for the whole month I even tracked exactly the days I was ovulating and I thought for sure it was going to happen because we are ready & we been having sex all month how could it not happen. I was so excited and I was so sure of it. But then today at 3:30pm I got my period. I guess I feel sad & a little foolish to think it would be that easy and for being so excited. I guess I feel disappointed.