Does marriage really ever get better?

My husband and I constantly bicker. I just want a “normal” marriage! My husband constantly throws the whole “you’re insecure” in my face and it seriously really hurts. When I met my husband I got pregnant within a month of dating him. I was 120 pounds then (almost 6 years ago) I’m pregnant with our third baby and weigh 186 pounds. I’m trying sooo hard to love myself, I really am. But, when I look in the mirror I hate what I see, I truly do. He doesn’t always tell me I’m beautiful or anything for that matter so on a rare occasion when he does, it’s hard to believe him. I just want to feel sexy again. Not for him, for me. I hate feeling like I’m never enough. I always have to start sex, it’s never him. And when we do, I feel like I have to be clothed because he gives me a look of disgust. It hurts my feelings. There’s days I wish he would gain weight and feel the feeling I feel on a daily basis. He’s constantly saying hurtful things to me. Like, last night he threw my ex in my face. My ex beat me to the point that I was knocked unconscious. He left bruises and cuts. He fractured my knee from pushing me down so hard. I was afraid to leave this guy but, through my own strength I did. My husband told me, if we get a divorce I hope the next guy beats the shit out of you. I just can’t even look at my husband right now. My husband has never laid a hand on me but, there’s times I feel like emotional abuse is worse than physical. I pray to God that our marriage will get better but, I just don’t know anymore. I’m so heartbroken. 😔