I spent New Year’s <a href="https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.glow.android.eve">Eve</a> 15 drinks down trying to walk home from a friends house, bawling my eyes out because I’ve ended the year having had a miscarriage 3 months in for christmas and knowing my partner doesn’t want to TTC after this.

My partner caught up to me around the block and I told him I just wanted to go home. We stood there for 20 minutes with him just hugging me while I bawled my eyes out not even able to explain to him why I was so upset.

I’m so tired of this new year already. I shouldn’t have spent last night drinking. I should’ve been pregnant, happy, and spending the time completely sober with friends.

I’m hoping this is going to be the most difficult start to a year I’ve had to deal with and that it can’t get worse than this.

* Edit * turns out the partner doesn’t want to TTC for another 5 years. Here’s to the next 5 years being absolutely miserable!