I just vented...

I just vented to my best friend of many years. I sent her a long ass text message about how I feel about myself and how I feel about my life. And yet, I feel incredibly guilty because I have a beautiful baby girl who I am extremely thankful to have. Here’s what the message said:

I feel ugly. I was tying my hair up and I leaned into the mirror, and I literally cringed. I have crows feet, my pores are huge, my skin is so oily, and my eyes look so sad.

I had a baby! I should have a new mom after glow! I should feel beautiful but instead I feel disgusting. I am thinner than before I got pregnant for Pete's sake, but all I see are the stretch marks and the scar from my surgery. My tits are humongous & i feel like that's all people can see when they look at me!

I feel like the only reason I have a shred of self esteem is because everyone talks about how beautiful my daughter is!

That's probably why I post so many pictures of her! Because I am lacking in self esteem and don't feel confident or comfortable enough to post pictures of myself, or even pictures of myself with Evee.

And I have no reason to dress up and look pretty because I'm on house arrest taking care of my daughter because I have chosen to breastfeed her for both of our benefits. So the only times i leave are to go to the gas station or doctors appointments or Maybe grocery shopping. And even when I do go to the gas station, her father goes with so he just runs inside while I wait in the car.

I know it’s a normal part of ppd with being a sahm, but dammit, I hate it!