I just need to let it out I'm sorry

I don't really have anyone to talk to so I'm gonna post this here I suppose...

My husband of 3 years cheated on me. At our house. With our kids in the house. What was suppose to be a consensual polyamorous relationship turned into him lying to me and cheating on me. (Editing to add. Even though dating was suppose to be allowed we had set rules and He broke 3 or 4 of the main rules which in turn turned things from both parties consenting and everything being okay to him sneaking around and cheating on me.) He promised me he didn't do anything with her. Swore up and down nothing happened. I had a bad feeling so I went through his phone. I found it all. The texts. The pictures. The videos. Everything. I'm so broken. He slept with this girl and came home to me and didn't even shower before trying to get me to suck his dick. He fucked her while "out for a cig" while me and my kids were upstairs waiting for him to come back up. Its been 50 hours since I found out. I want to try and keep my family together because I truly do love this man but I can't get passed how i feel. I honestly feel like this might be the end of my marriage. I found out he told her we were separated and that we had been for a while. I feel so broken and betrayed. I told him I would tryh and get over this and we could try to fix this. But I'm so disgusted every time I look at him. Every time he touches me or kisses me I feel sick. I hate sleeping in the same bed as him. I hate putting on a show for everyone else that we are okay. I hate him touching me or kissing me. I've gotten physically sick over this. Every time I'm alone or it gets quite or I try to go to bed i can't stop my mind from wondering. I keep thinking of him with her. I keep thinking of him sleeping with her. Of him falling in love with her Of him planning a future together with her. I told him I would give it three months and if I still couldn't get over it I was going to leave him. I honestly don't know if I will ever be able to get over this. I told her to leave him alone that he was married and she needed to respect me as his wife and leave him alone. Only to find out it had been almost 18 hours since I found out and he hadn't told her to leave him alone. He told me he needed to make sure I wasn't going to leave him before he broke it off with her. He refused to do it over the phone in front of me and instead he said he did it over text but when I asked to see the text he told me he had already deleted it. He hasn't deleted her number. I had to delete it from his phone. Seeing how often and how much they talked broke my heart. When I messaged her she said that it wad okay she would find anither toy. He saw her message and cried. He fucking cried over her calling him a toy but not because he almost lost his wife and kids. He didn't cry when I found out or when I told him i might leave him in 3 months. How fucking stupid am I to try and fix this? I'm never going to be able to forgive him for what he did to me. I'll never be able to get passed this. I feel so alone and secluded. I am 500 miles from family. I have no friends. He told me he moved me so far away to try and fall in love with me. He told me he only married me because I was pregnant. He only stayed because I got pregnant again. He asked me what I would have done if he would've left me when I had the kids. He's mad because I won't have sex with him. I tried talking to my mom and she told me it was my fault he did this. I done get enjoyment out of anything anymore. I just feel like an empty shell of myself.