So, me and my ex broke up a little over a year ago now.

We were together for a little over two years before getting engaged. He 'proposed' to me a few weeks after the two year mark, I say 'propose' he threw the ring at me when I woke up.

After two weeks he broke up with me over text, he said he has fell out of love with me (god it hurt...).

Since the break up we are still on and off. As in we don't become a couple and break-up, as in he will message me wanting to meet up and have sex or exchange nudes.

When it first started, I guess I was okay because I missed him so bad.. but he makes me feel crazy, he tells me I'm lying and we haven't done anything. Then he'll promise not to do anything with me again (aka sex) because he wants to be my friend (makes sense right? He promises not to have sex with me AND I'm crazy and it never happened).

A few weeks after the break-up he went on a datd with another girl, he told me about it but she broke it off with him - he said it was all my fault, even though HE was the one who told her he still messes around with me.

Every now and again he will block me off everything, this morning he got rid of me off everything. But I know he will be back in a month or so, wanting sex and to meet up and pretending to care about me and everything that is going on.

I know he doesnt care, I get it. I know he only wants me for sex. But why do I let him? I'm just so lonely.

He sends dick pics to me randomly, saying how much do you want this? And videos of him jerking off, even when I'm in the middle of a lecture.

I also found out he has me under a different name in his phone.

I know I'm stupid :(

I have been through so much before he came into my life.. before him I never let anyone touch me, because I was raped by an ex.. and he knew that! And he made me feel safe for the first time in a long time.

But even knowing that and knowing all the abuse I went through and the sexual trauma, he would shout at me - he punched me a few times (which he says never happened despite the pictures) and there is one comment from him I will never forget

"Do you want me to leave? For you to be alone again."