Am I Hellenistic/a Greek Pagan?

I am 15, and all my life I have felt out of place. Until now. I have grown up catholic. I know that the Christian God loves me, but no matter how hard I try, I can’t find that love for him.

One day, I woke up and felt a calling. Like something unknown was tugging at me and telling me “Come home.” Then I found a blog on tumblr that was ran by a Hellenistic lesbian.

I’ve learned a lot about the Greek Gods and I’ve always felt intrigued by them. After looking at the tumblr blog, I felt like I wanted to pray to Aphrodite.

And I did.

I felt vulnerable in a good way and like she is a part of me. So I kept praying to other Greek gods and goddesses. I felt at home. But my biggest worry is that I won’t get into heaven (obviously not by now). But I feel like I have no freedom when worshipping the Christian God. I feel like I’m not myself and like I have to worship Him, and it’s not my choice if I don’t want to.

Any other Hellenistic people out there, please help me. I feel like I’m stuck in one place and it’s wrong to go worship the Greek Gods or Christian god.