Reality bites

Went for our follow up yesterday - still no answers, just more tests...and so many questions. If the FSH is a bit lower this cycle they can submit to the health insurance to cover IVF....if the insurance doesn't cover then we make the decision of whether or not to pay out of pocket...if the 1st cycle doesn't work how many times do we try again...would we be better off scrapping the whole IVF line and just go with adoption...plus they found "something" on the HSG results, could be a polyp, could be a fibroid, could be retained tissue...so now another procedure has to be scheduled... I just want a yes or no answer, I am tired of lab work and ultrasounds and consult appointments where some cheerful mom of 3 is telling me not to worry and that it will come with time...I am tired of trying to be positive and plaster on this smile and say "we're just going to keep trying" while i buy baby clothes for other women and their future families (3 showers planned for May/June)... I spent my 20s and 30s taking care of other people's kids and now that I finally have someone in my life who wants nothing more than to have a family of our own I cant do that for him... yes I know we will get through this and I know he loves me no matter what but right now I just want my moment to have a meltdown and not have anyone pat me on the head and say "it'll be ok" because right now, no its not ok....