I'm the problem

I've been devastated since Sunday when the love of my life told me he's unsure about us because we're fighting too much and it's all piling up. Honestly all I do is cry and haven't really eaten in days, I'm hungry but when I attempt to eat I become nauseated from my nerves.

I know I shouldn't have but I can't take the silence and texted him yesterday to ask if I can come over today, he said he was busy and listed all the things he had to do. And then today I asked about Monday, but no response yet.

I can't believe it, over the summer we were talking about moving in, but I got cold feet and backed out and he was looking at rings. Now I'm sitting here freaking out and wishing I could turn the clock back and fix things.

But the few days of separation have given me a chance to think and I realized I am the problem in not only this, but many previous relationships. I had a super abusive boyfriend awhile ago and he really left me with some mental scars, I thought I had healed but haven't. I become super scared when things are going well and start arguments then freak out when things blow up. I honestly nit picked him for every little thing and it's no wonder he got sick of me. I just wish he had honestly sat me down to talk sooner and maybe I would have realized how much pain I was causing him, but instead he made little passive aggressive comments and didn't really communicate.

Honestly though it is my fault at the end of the day and all I can do is work on myself and hope, wish, and pray he gives me another chance. I want to do better and be better for myself and him and I know I can be