Has anybody else felt like this before?

I’m at a point in my life where I haven’t had feelings for someone in years. YEARS. Not even a little crush, no anything. This happened right after I lost my virginity when I was 17, the guy was a knobhead so I guess I just hurt really badly and started pushing everyone away. But I never really looked for relationships or the perfect guy, I didn’t really care anyway. I had fuckbuddies here and there, I have one atm. All I want is some good dick then act like I don’t exist till we see each other again 🤷🏻‍♀️ I’ve always been the type of woman who wanted to focus on her career and not waste time and tears on stupid boys and dumb relationships that would come to an end anyway. I got to the point where I genuinely don’t believe in real love anymore. Which I mean is fine or whatever, maybe I’m meant to be single, which I’m not bothered about. More money to treat myself 😂 but what bothers about me is that I started hating on couples... not actually hate them cause that’s too harsh of a word, but they irritate me. Whenever I see cute happy couples in films or real life or whatever I’m like “oh fuck off with your happiness it will all come to an end one day you idiots” and then I’m like ...why am I like this? Why am I getting irritated by couples’ happiness? Am I jealous? Am I lonely? Fuck yes I am lonely but it someone asks me out, I’m like “nah let’s keep it casual.” Has anyone else felt like this before? I’m annoyed at myself for feeling like that about people’s relationships