Sometimes I find myself up late nights questioning gods plans for me , knowing that i shouldn’t . I just don’t understand why it’s so hard for me to do what I was created to do , reproduce. everyone around me has exactly what I so desperately want , & it’s easy for them No effort is required they just happen to have everything I want on accident. it’s so hard for me to watch everyone’s lives change while mine stays the same & I’m doing everything in my power to change it , wishing I had what they have. I’ve been Distancing myself from everyone it seemed to be the best thing for me but all it did was send me into the deepest depression I’ve ever been in. The only light at the end of this deep tunnel I seem to have is my husband. His support & patience w/ me is beyond appreciated & I’m blessed to have somebody who tries his hardest to make this journey just as important to him as it is to me. From the smallest of lifestyle changes to the biggest ones I have his endless support & I’m grateful for that. I just feel trapped within myself. Im hoping this year , 2019 we are blessed enough to create a beautiful life with our true , pure love. I don’t want to give up but after 13 long hard months of failure it’s so hard not too , I’m wishing & praying the next 12 aren’t the same. God humble me & please forgive me for my requests, If there’s nothing else for me in this world I know motherhood is meant for me but if it’s not please send me a sign. 😭🙏🏻💔