What do I do :(

So I’ve been dealing with a lot since my ex which I was in a abusive relationship... in that time of dating I tried three times to end it which I still say unfortunately unsuccessful.. I told mum and it felt like she’s passed me off like it was a joke, she never spoke to me about what I did and it still makes me upset so until recently it’s been really hard on me because Saturday night I saw someone getting cpr and the next thing I know all this blood was coming out then they use the defibrillator on him.... it was the first time seeing that stuff and I can’t help it but it’s been replaying in my head... I’ve tried to distract myself but it’s taking its toll on me... mind you it’s really hard to find a job and I’ve been looking for months and my work speaks to me like shit... like I’m trash... and I didn’t want to work today and everything isn’t okay... for once I 110% know it’s not okay... I called the doctors and they’ve put me on a waiting list...