father issues

my dad and i fight all the time now and its ruining my self esteem. he tells me that im the reason he wants to kill himself, that he cant wait for me to go to college soon because then ill move out and wont be around, that im “abusive” because i dont talk to him a lot and avoid him around the house, and just more shit like that. he tries to manipulate me and make me feel bad about myself and i never let it affect me during the fight because i dint wanna seem hurt but afterward its all i think about i keep saying sorry when theres nothing to apologize for and i keep having days where i am just noticeably distraught and nothing can fix it. recently my favorite teacher has started to notice my moods and asked me about it. and hes been putting in extra effort to talk to me and to make jokes with me. he even told me good job on a project the other day and thats a really simple thing but i cant stop crying about it because thats just not something my dad would ever say to me. i hate being home. it doesnt feel safe and it feels like he’ll yell at any minute and blame it on me. i just needed to rant about all this