I have been married for almost 12 years. We’ve had a early birth (water broke at 18 weeks in 2013), 2018 I feel I may have been pregnant and miscarried (never confirmed but my doctor said my uterus was large and maybe it’s too early 🤔 plus I had all the symptoms but never tested to confirm) August 2018 my obgyn put me on fermara 2.5mg to release more eggs. Sept 29 took pregnancy test and was positive. The meds worked and I was not only pregnant but with TWINS (identical; same sac and placenta). 😱 I’m already high risk (33 years old plus prior early term delivery) I was so nervous. Everything I prayed for was coming to life. Not to mention, ALL of my friends and women I communicate with is pregnant as well. Fast forward to my 13 1/2 week ultrasound at the high risk doctor and come to find out there were no heartbeats. My babies were measuring at 8.5 weeks 🤦🏾‍♀️😥💔 I was (and still is) devastated. If my obgyn knew of my prior history why wouldn’t you put me on meds or check further to see what the problem could be. I think I’m just pissed off at everyone bc never in a million years would I have thought it would be this hard for me to carry a child to full term. I just wanna give up bc I’m tired. I’m tired of the losses. I’m tired of being a Guinea pig to myself to see what will work. And most of all, how can I be happy when my phone is going off every other month bc 1 of those many friends has had her baby? It’s not fair to them for me acting happy and it’s not fair to me bc I’m doubting myself as a woman. So TODAY I take a stand, to do my OWN research about my OWN body so I can successfully deliver my OWN child(ren). I will take a baby aspirin (in the case I have a blood clotting disease that I’m unaware of), I will take my folate acid, I will take my prenatal vitamin, I will take a vitamin D pill and most of all I will have a healthy baby this year.