I’m taking 3 classes rn (online, homeschooled) and still need to take another four to graduate by June. My parents don’t keep track of how I’m doing or anything so when I go to sign up for a class that needs parents approval, it doesn’t happen for a longggg time. But doesn’t even matter cuz 3 class for me rn is way to damn much for having to do it basically by myself. I’d still be in public school if it wasn’t for my anxiety.
Also my family’s like $18,000 in debt and I have to give all my extra money to my mom so she can pay bills so I can’t save for college or really anything. And wanna know what I still see at the front door? BOXES OF SHIT SHE ORDERED THAT WE DONT NEED. Like stop taking my money if ur gonna keep digging us in a damn hole....... But she is depressed and working four jobs and attempting to separate from my dad which I’m just an endless cycle of my mom saying the need to separate. My dad volunteering to leave. My dad getting mad when he finally leaves. My mom being happier. My dad coming back less than four days later. My mom getting really sad. My parents pretending like nothing happened. One week later it repeats. But Oh wait? My dads moving to Florida in 2 months? HA yeah okay sure.
I’m home 24/7 pretty much unless I’m getting tutored or having to work. Sometimes I go out w my friend but they just use my for my car and they talk ab themselves all the time. Oh and they both owe me sm money it’s not even funny. But I can’t put my foot down cuz they are good friends and my only friends,l so idk what to do with that.
Also I’m so jealous of my brother. He gets to get away from all this cuz he’s at college. Idek what I’m doing next year. I haven’t taken SATs or applied to any schools. I don’t even have enough money to go to college. I can’t even travel like I’d like to do cuz I’m broke.
Also my self confidence is lacking. I’ve been emotionally eating lately and not going to the gym so I’m getting fat. My face specifically and I can’t stop eating. I don’t really want to stop eating actually. My last depressed episode I starved myself. Lost 15 pounds in 2 weeks. Man I miss those days😂 that was sm better than me right now eating my weight in gold. Also I’m just naturally ugly so thanks mom and dad.
Also, I’ve noticed that, well until this moment, I have been successfully suppressing my emotions so that I just feel... blank. It’s been nice most days but I also want to cry but I literally can. Not. Cry. Like the tears will not come out.
Basically I’m a mess and idk what to do. I feel kind of stuck rn. I know most of these situations.. maybe all, will eventually pass but it just sucks.
FYI non of this was to fish for compliments or pity or anything like that. If you have advice then drop it below but I’m just kind of wanting to rant. I already wrote this down in my journal like 5 times but if knowing I’m technically “talking” to ppl by posting this, makes me feel better. Like I’ve actually ranted to a person. Idk. Ready to go offf mmyyyseeellfffff :))))))))✌️ (I won’t actually but I feel it lol)