I know it wasn’t all in my head..

*** not looking for rude comments just wanted to get this off my chest***

There was this boy. His words said he didn’t a relationship but his actions said otherwise. Well we ended whatever it was we were. We talked it through with no drama and now I just feel silly. In a year time he told me twice he didn’t want a relationship. But along the way he did things that made me feel like we could get there eventually. Well of course I care about him we were so close for a year. he was my day to day and I was his. When we first started this over a year ago we said that no matter where we went if it didn’t work out we would try and be friends. Well I’m the kind of person who sticks to what I say so I’m trying. I know there’s gonna come a day when I’m over him and this and I won’t care. But right now that it’s fresh I care. It hurts me that he’s trying to chalk it up to nothing when I know it was something (not love but more than sex) I tried ending it twice during that year cuz I told him we were gonna get into deep to where we wouldn’t be able to get out and still be friends. He told me he wasn’t ready to lose me like that. He didn’t even care about the sex it was me that was being the horny toad. So I believe that he would never intentionally hurt me but maybe my ego is a little hurt that he didn’t want me. I know this is a blessing in disguise but it’s hard for me to see that right now. He was my longest whatever and I’m pushing 30. I really thought I had control of the situation and then I blinked and we were a year in. I almost wish he was an asshole who was just using me cuz then I could walk away without a care. But he was a good friend and still wants to be. I guess even though I knew we wouldn’t work a small part of me hoped we would. There were reasons on my end it wouldn’t have worked also but still, it would’ve been nice...