how do i leave?!?!?!?

hey guys ive been dating & living w a gaslighter for a year & some months & although i didn’t really want to accept that he was i think im finally coming to my senses & just over it & getting tired of it. looking back at the beginning of our relationship i cant believe i didnt see the signs for what they were & for believing it was just him “caring for me” & now i feel like im ready to get my life back BUT i just dont know how exactly to leave. as weak/cowardly as this may sound id like to just pack & leave one day but it hurts my heart to know he’ll have no clue & i dont know WHY but i feel so much anxiety to leave when i know it can all be so easy.. i feel at a hault bc im sill here & although i feel that i love him & all our great moments i just hate the way ive lived here.... i know im not “strong” enough to sit & talk about it bc i just dont want to have to hear him victimize himself & make me feel even more guilty, u know???? so i just dont know what to do or what exactly is holding me back but i just crave my old life so bad .... can anyone PLEASE share their stories w me or just any words of encouragement please!!!!! i need the courage to get control of my own life again !!

ive lost touch w myself in this entire relationship 😭😭😭😭