Need advice! Debt over baby items?

Question

My in laws have a very generous gift for their kids when they’re having children. They get $1,000 for the nursery, and $1,000 for a baby shower. She’s done this for both my SIL’s.
My MIL knew I didn’t want a shower from the beginning, so she told me she would just give me the $1,000 to buy what we needed. 
The plan was to go nursery shopping with them so they’re included, which we did a few weeks ago and we all had a blast. Then my husband and I were going to take the other $1,000 and go shopping for things we need alone and bond since it’s been a whirlwind.
I’m due in about 4.5 weeks, and my husband asked his parents about the other $1,000. They said that they don’t have the cash on hand and to make a list and they would buy it for us or they would go with us and buy it..... on their credit card. My FIL makes very good money.
Here’s my dilemma.
Although I’m a little bummed my husband and I can’t go together alone like we planned with that money, I also know it’s a generous gift and it’s not the end of the world by any means. I’m very thankful it’s an option and they offer this gift. However, I also feel guilty even thinking about making a list or bringing them with us to buy us things when I know it’s going on a credit card. 
I have credit cards but I pay in full at the end of the month, I avoid debt wherever possible and the only debt we have is our house. I feel like morally, I can’t have them spend this much on us knowing it’s putting them $1,000 in the hole and it makes me a hypocrite. I know they can pay it off fast and it won’t prevent them from getting things they need or pay their bills, but I just feel like it’s wrong of me to go through with it if I know it’s creating debt for them 😔
Am I over thinking this? What would you do in this situation? Should I go through with making a list? I don’t want to offend them by saying “thanks but no thanks”.
Also, please don’t think I’m judging how others live and their finances. I’m just feeling like it would be wrong of me to ask for these things knowing it’ll create debt for them.

Answer

I agree that they’re probably just wanting rewards points. My husband and I use credit cards but pay them off every month because we get cash back. Someone mentioned telling them not to stress if they need to postpone it and see what they come back with. All in all it comes down to your relationship with them. And for the people saying it’s terrible to accept money: that’s how some people express love and they truly enjoy buying things for other people. I’m one of them. I don’t think they would offer if they couldn’t do it.

Answer

I’d talk to your husband and maybe he can approach them about it, so it’s not you seeming like “no thanks”, plus it’s his parents so they may be more apt to talking to him alone about their finances. Maybe he could talk to them about how you both appreciate just a generous offer but don’t want them to feel so obligated that they have to put it on a credit card. And then see what they come back with? If they insist then I’d just do it, but it might be nice for your husband (and you if you’re that comfortable) to open a door to the conversation at least so everyone has all their cards on the table so to speak and knows if it is/isn’t a big deal about putting items on the credit card. And maybe it’s like your MIL said she doesn’t have it right now but will have it when it’s time to pay the credit card, you don’t know🤷‍♀️

Answer

A lot of people with the money to pay it off will also put it on a credit card for the reward points or miles fully intending to pay it completely off. 
That may be their plan. Address it nicely with them as it sounds like you have a good relationship and just explain that you really appreciate the offer but if it is causing them to over extend themselves you would rather pass and have their help in other ways that won't tax their finances. 
If they are just wanting the sky miles they will let you know. I work in car sales and have people ask all the time if they can put the vehicle on their credit card and when told no just cut the check.

Answer

Maybe they meant at this exact time they don’t have 1000 cash, but if you had waited until they handed it to you they might have had it. I just wouldn’t bring it up again until they bring it up.

Answer

If you're concerned about the financial burden on them, maybe you can stall and say that you're still trying to figure out what all you need. Then wait until THEY bring up offering you the gift.

Answer

Some people just pay for bigger things on credit cards (particularly if you have a lot of money). We put larger items on the credit card sometimes but we can’t easily afford to pay them off so it doesn’t mean they’re necessarily having financial problems although them not letting you go alone does make me wonder why that is. It might be more that they want to be involved in everything and this is a string attached so it’s not a total gift (although they do sound generous). I think if you want to do it alone you will probably need to pay for your things yourselves otherwise you might have to just send them the list. If you’re worried about their finances, just ask your husband to ask if they’re sure they can afford it right now although you may not get the truth x

Answer

Nope nope nope...why would you put your in-laws through that and especially why would your husband put his own parents in debt? My husband and I feel weird about accepting $50 for our birthday I would never accept $1000 plus,  ESPECIALLY from people who can’t afford to give that money to you in the first place. That’s just taking advantage of people who don’t manage their money well.

Answer

This really depends on their general economic status. I wouldn’t have a grand of cash on hand necessarily if asked, like if I hadn’t gone to the bank, but that doesn’t mean it would be a burden to give someone that money especially if I’d been planning on it. Then again a decade ago it would have been a struggle to come up with half that, different times/jobs in life. 
I’d have your husband clarify with them if it’s a matter or “shouldn’t” or if they just don’t have it in cash and would like to be involved.

Answer

I’d say make a list. They might feel slighted if you refuse their gift. Just get them a very nice thank you gift :)

Need advice! Debt over baby items?

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