My parents are very strict and religious. They are the type of people that think they are right and that no one else’s opinions, beliefs, or values matter. Except that they would never admit that. That sometimes they are not right and there beliefs aren’t everyone else beliefs. I have always “waited” for the day to come where I can make my own decisions and grow up. I guess I matured faster than people my age.

My parents have a way of wanting to control every decision and situation. So growing up I wasn’t ever allowed to make my own decisions. And most of the time, I stayed at home and didn’t do anything. Because they simply wouldn’t let me and there was always a problem on “why I didn’t want to be at home” when I asked to do anything.

Well that day came about two years ago, when I finally was 18. I started making my own decisions and I know that they were not all wrong decisions. And that I learned from the bad ones. Isn’t that what young adults do? Make mistakes and learn from them... essentially becoming a better person. I was just trying to grow up and figure out what my future was.

I met my boyfriend around This time as well. My boyfriend and I have an age difference and a racial difference. I knew my parents would not except this right away but I thought that they would eventually come around. Well as soon as I told them about my boyfriend and tried to involve them in my life, they completely lashed out.

They did everything to keep this guy away from me... funny thing is, is they didn’t stop to get to actually know him or try to except it. They sent me out of state to stay with some relatives for 2 weeks, took my car away, didn’t let me leave the house and basically threatened to stop paying for my phone and car insurance..... just to get me away from this guy. ( I was working and paid for more of my stuff at this point as well as going to community college). At first, I understood there concerns about the age difference and the fact that I am very young. (Again I am more mature than people my age). They made it to the point where they gave me ultimatums to keep me away from this guy. It turned out to be “ you live under our house and it’s our rules. You either follow or leave”.

Anyway, I decided to give my parents the benefit of the doubt. Because they are my parents and they did provide me an education, shelter, clothes, and food growing up. Plus I thought that maybe I should take a step back and make sure that this guy that I’m dating is a good guy. I separated myself for awhile (not too long but also long enough to think about everything).I ended up deciding that it was best to move out and start making my own decisions. They did not like that decision and tried to make me stay. I explained that I am grown and that I want to do it on my own. I wanted them to get over it and be okay with it. But that never happened

That lead me to leaving without saying anything or taking any of my belongs. Which I know on my part.. was not the best decision. I should have done it in a better way. I’ve apologized to my parents for that. However, they still use it against me. i moved into a house with my boyfriend and one other roommate. I now paid for everything and 100% supported myself.

I was still talking with my parents after I moved out and trying to figure things out. My intention was that they would soon come to realize that I am doing good things with my life (work, school, etc). I continued on with my life. But my parents never came around and things got worse rather than better. I tried hard to talk with them and tell them all the good things I’ve been doing. I even brought my boyfriend around but every time my parents would lash out at him and just be so rude.

They never really accepted any of my lifestyle. Time went on and I went over less and less. Every time I went over to there house I felt so uncomfortable. Tensions grew. Every decision was the wrong decision... my boyfriend, religion, occupation, beliefs. Things that I should be figuring out on my own. I stopped bringing my boyfriend over because if I can’t even feel comfortable in my parents house... how would my boyfriend feel slightly comfortable? I was still coming around for my siblings sakes. But it was exhausting... it started taking a tow on all other aspect of my life.

Around June 2018, I decided I wanted this to stop and to fix things. I tried to talk with my mom and my dad . (Communication has never been my strong suit but I tried genuinely to fix this situation). They just blamed the whole situation on me and made me feel bad for leaving my family behind and all this crap. They even had the audacity to say that “they will never be okay with me living with my boyfriend and that the only way to fix it would be to move back home” I started only coming around for my siblings stuff and “big family events”.

Nothing changed and my life was a stress ball.

Around Christmas 2018 I decided I had enough. I stopped coming around completely. Basically just cut my parents out of my life. I needed time to think and figure out my life. I haven’t talked with them since. Ever since I cut them out of my life my overall lifestyle has improved. But I am hurt and angry at my parents. Because I miss them. But I mostly miss my siblings. I feel like I am in a tough situation and it’s hard to determine what is right and wrong.

My mom has tried to reach out and wrote a letter to me. The letter basically said that she is hurting and upset that I left in the first place. And that she couldn’t believed I choose my bf over my family. I have no idea what to say and my emotions are all over the place. I have not wrote anything back. I’ve just been silent for 3-4 months. In this time and all the time of being on my own, I have realized that I wasn’t physically abused as a child but I definitely was mentally. It’s hard for me to forgive my parents but I also know that they aren’t sorry. They have never apologized. But is that fair to my siblings to have to never see me because I cut my parents out? (Most of my siblings are still young and live with my parents). They have never realized that i only left to better myself, figure my own life out, and yes date who I want to date.

I’m just torn between right and wrong in this situation. And I’m feeling way to many emotions. I don’t know if I should reach out or just focus on myself. I just need some advice on this!!

Thanks for reading this long post.