Paying for nudes from other girls????

Hey guys! So I love this app because I love reading everyone’s posts and it’s such a supportive community so I’m hoping to get some support from some of you guys as I’m not even sure what I’m feeling at the moment :( I’m sorry in advance because this is going to be a long post.

Background:

My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years. We are very loving, trusting, and are deeply in love with each other (we’re also very sexually active). We don’t snoop through each other’s things and neither are we suspicious of one another. I go to college, which is 2.5 hours away from home and he works full time. I make it a trip every weekend to come home and spend time with one another but when my grades started slipping, we decided to alternate weekends. Some may ask why I do all the traveling and it’s because his job is very unpredictable and this is just what works for the both of us. So a couple of months ago, I was using his phone to order some take out for the both of us when this girl had snapped him and I was like oh who is it (jokingly but kind of curious lol, let’s be real, who wouldn’t be) and he got all weird and was like oh idk this is the first time she’s snapped me don’t know who that is but I clicked on the notification and was about to open the chat when I realize that she’s his best friend and I’m not even his best fiend on snap lol so he takes his phone from me and says that he’s trying to buy something off of her for me and I’m like oh okay not I feel bad for thinking it was something else and ruining this “surprise” which I will come back to later.

The problem:

So now that I don’t come home as often, it obviously sucks because we don’t get to see each other and spend time with one another anymore which also means, we don’t get to have sex as often as we’d like lol. We sext here and there and throughout time, we barely send nudes or do heavy sexting anymore because we’re both just so busy; either I try and start and he falls sleep because he’s been at work all day or it just doesn’t happen at all... or so I thought. I’m currently on spring break right now and came home to spend my entire break with him and obviously have been having a lot of sex 😜 but as the week ends and we’re having a night in, he falls asleep and his phone was next to him. I’m like I said before, I don’t snoop and neither am I suspicious at all whatsoever but tonight, I had the idea of making one of my nudes (more like a sexy lingirie pic) into the background of his home screen (not lock screen) and see if he notices or in general will have a laugh or catch him by surprise. It wasn’t a pic he hadn’t seen already because I had just sent him a teaser like 2 days ago as a teaser so he knows what’s up when he gets home from work 👌🏼 but he never replied and it was just whatever cause maybe he got busy or something idk but anyway, I go in there and change it and first let me just say that we go in and out of each other’s phones all the time so it was nothing new or invasion of privacy. We are very open and trusting of one another. Well as I am just about done changing the pic, a snap notification came up from a girl, I have no idea who she is but I was curious because it wasn’t like him to get notifications from a girl... so I open the snap app and it was a chat so I slid the chat open far enough to kind of see the chat with out opening it and it was just a bunch of nudes sent by the girl and I was like wtf is this shit lol obviously furious, I click on her story and she has a bunch of sexy snaps up and I’m like who is this woman lol so I scroll down through his snap conversations and there’s at least 4 more girls who are his best friends and they’ve chatted recently so now I’m like quite shook lol these girls had stories put up of pretty graphic nudes and stuff like “swipe up and Venmo for more” and so I was like he wouldn’t because why would he, I send nudes all the time yet I get no response so I check Venmo and sure enough he’s venmoed them money in exchange for nudes or videos and such through snapchat. I then go through Instagram and he’s talking to the same girl that snapped him tonight about sending him nudes and graphic videos if he payed along with flirty steamy messages somewhere along the line of “you’re so hott, I wanna..... you know the rest” basically sexting her and the first conversation started in February and the last conversation was recent like in the last week at like 3 am! I was sleeping right next to him, wtf!!!!!! which I had already been home on break. He also has had recent conversations with the same girl he claimed “he was getting a surprise for me” and now I know he def was not getting me anything from that girl all within the same week as well so I’m not a very happy girlfriend at the moment.

Did I have the right to snoop? Probably not but I’m human and I was curious. Does it make it okay? Def not and I’m not proud but now I’m just feeling like a piece of shit because hello... I’m right here I’ve been here this whole week and yet he still wants to buy nudes and having sexy conversations with other girls which really upsets me. It upsets me even more because he always says he’s so “busy” with work and therefore doesn’t respond to texts and more importantly when I try to send him a sexy pic or a steamy text. He’s always saying he doesn’t have time but obviously has time to chat with these gals and on top of it all, he lied to me. I know it’s nothing intimate or emotional so I know it’s not quite cheating but I’m just more upset about him “not having enough time” to respond to me but is active with these other girls? Am I not sexy in his eyes anymore am I boring to him am I just not attractive anymore? In all, I get that we’re all human and we’re all horny and maybe I’m overreacting because guys wanting to watch porn or want nudes is a normal thing but for some reason, I’m just not able to let this go.

If you’ve read this far, thank you for reading and letting me let go of some steam!