Conflicted

I need help...

recently I’ve been in contact with my ex. My greatest love.

He’s been pretty persistent on trying again. But I’ve made nothing official due to fear.

So. We been intimate but because I haven’t made the decision to not be official I’ve made the mistake of being intimate with someone I’m not interested in at all... I honestly have no reason to why I did it... it was a mindless act. That person isn’t apart of my life. After the act with this person I realized how I don’t want to loose my ex. (We broke up years ago because of distance)

Anyway, I’m trying to find the courage to tell him.

I’ve thought of every possible consequence and although I could be at risk of loosing him I also don’t and can’t keep this a secret. I know the damage I’ve caused. I feel selfish. If I tell him I cause damage. If I don’t I live with the guilt. I don’t know what is worse.

I’m not the type of person to be intimate with just anyone so a lot of my thoughts are guilt.

I need help...