I am the abuser

I need help, I want help, and I want to change. I don’t want to keep living like this, it eats me up to see the pain I cause my partner. It eats me up so much I want to kill myself. I don’t know where to go or what kind of therapy I would need, but I need it.

I really need help. And I know some of you, when you read this, will judge me and wish the worst for me. But trust me, there is nothing that you will say that will make hurt me more than my own disappointment in myself. I look at myself and I see my father’s reflection, an abusive man I never wanted to be. I am so disgusted, that his own daughter, me, is mirroring the same things as him.

I just need help. Please.