Long story short , I went over to visit a friend and it started to storm and he said he didn’t want me to drive home in the weather .. So he invited me inside ... I’ve know him since my junior year of high school , I’m a junior in college now .. We went a while without talking because his ex girlfriend had him on major lockdown from all of his female friends... Anyway , we recently started back talking .. Back to the day . I went inside because it started raining..His roommate was in his room and I noticed alcohol sitting on his nightstand... I didn’t say anything because it wasn’t mine but my friend asked if I liked this kind of alcohol... I said I’ve never had it before and him and his friend looked at each other ..I said I’ll try but I’m not getting drunk , I gotta go home .. & don’t try nothing ... He gave me , maybe two shots worth.. maybe a little less.. A few minutes, I started to feel it .. I laid down and he asked me to lay next to him .. I did & he started to subtly rub up and down my body ... I moved to the other side of the room ( btw his roommate went out the room ) ... I really couldn’t stand standing because the room was spinning and I told him I had to throw up . He said the trash can was in the corner... I laid on the floor and he told me get up .. I was stumbling around so I said I best to lay on the bed ... He pulled me on top of him and I remember saying fuck it I’m sleepy ... He pulled out his dick and I saw it and said uhhhh nooo no no I do not want that . No thank you. I remember being like 😕 he’s getting too comfortable ... & then .. I laid down on the foot of the bed & i couldn’t move ... I remember going in & out of consciousness ... getting super tired & him pulling my pants down & I pulled them back up ... He pulled them down again & I felt his penis about to insert me & then when it did , he said can I stick it in & i remember being confused.. He put it like outside my vagina .. And I reached back and grabbed him and then I froze .. And I grew so limp .. I wanted to say no but it’s like I couldn’t., I remember thinking about my boyfriend .. I remember apologizing over and over and over again to my boyfriend in my head ... I started to make up excuses for what was happening to me .. And then I blacked out . I woke up to him finishing ... And feeling super vulnerable & gross .. He said I asked to have sex and I told him “ I wanted it inside of me “ ... I don’t remember that .. I don’t remember the sex .. He was sober , mind you .. completely sober . He says he thought me grabbing his penis was giving him the green light. I don’t know what to call this . At first, I remembered absolutely nothing about what had been said beforehand before we spoke the next day and talked about what had happened and he told me what I was saying . He actually admitted to not having my consent actually . He said I said Idk and I reminded him that I told him no twice . He said he fucked up and he feels like a fucked up person ...I feel like I was raped ... But maybe I was just being stupid . I’ve drunk a whole bottle of vodka by myself and never blacked out ... I need help . He was a close friend and I have a boyfriend ...LDR, and he and I were going through a lot. He was being a douche and we were arguing alot and I never had girl friends..He was just being overly nice to me and I just thought I could confide in this guy just like I always had. I remember waking up and thinking that I was sorry to my boyfriend .. That I had cheated on him but I have never wanted to sleep with this guy sober... I never wanted to have sex with him sober... He was attractive yeah but I never did even the slightest of kissing him.. Never have ... Idk what to do. I know When I regret something.. this doesnt feel like regret .. this feels like rape to me.. Idk if this is what drunk sex is. But I don’t like it and a part of me remember just freezing and letting it happen even though I didn’t want it to happen.. I remember my body was acting horny, but I truthfully didn’t want HIM! I just wanted to lay there. He was my friend. And he betrayed me.