Feeling super low.. mourning death

I don’t think im having ppd but I just feel sooo low. To the point I just don’t want to do anything... i can’t even eat right... I just need to vent n advice 😞 On Tuesday, my husband told me that his old friend, my ex bf, passed away. I posted another post the other day it was titled “venting/mourning death”.. but this is a little bit of the back story: I was with him 5 years ago for about a year. I had just moved to this state, so if you can imagine, he was the only person I knew. He ended up cheating on me, told me he got another girl pregnant (he didn’t) so I moved on. About a month after, I met my husband on a dating site. I knew who he was bc of my ex but I never talked or hung out with him before. My husband and him stopped talking when we got together. They were friends for a very long time. (My husband did tell me he seen him a few times since we got together. They shook hands like if they were good...) I feel like I shouldn’t be crying about this... i wasn’t ever gonna talk to him again, if he were alive I wouldn’t be crying for him, why do I feel this way?? I can not stop thinking about him. All day, everyday since I found out😢 I think it’s bc I don’t know how he passed. I can’t find anything about his death only when his funeral is. My husband and I both cried and talked about him yesterday. I’m just so glad he’s understanding, supportive and loving about this whole situation. & just like I said in my last post, I do not regret getting with my husband. I didn’t do it to get back at my ex either... we just happened. I think I’m so sad bc I was so close to his family. I was heartbroken when things ended between us.. if he wouldn’t have cheated on me, I would of probably married him. That’s how close I was with him n his family... I remember them talking to us and just wanting the best for our future.... My husband and I both want to go to his funeral to say our goodbyes. I had messaged his sister telling her I’m so sorry about what happened. She thanked me and I wrote her back asking if I can go to his funeral and if i could know how he passed... I’ll respect his family if they don’t want me going... idk what he told them about us so that’s why i asked if I could go... What made me really down this morning, is my mom laughs n says I don’t think u n ur husband should go. I’ve been really upset about this and having my mom tell me that just made me feel worse.. I shared a post about his funeral and 1 of my cousins out of state was saying they were messaging each other. It made me laugh, it’s funny to me. But at the same time I got so mad bc she’s only telling me this bc HE DIED. There’s more to this story but that point, made me super upset. Y’all I’m telling you, idk why I feel this way:’( I feel like he still cared for me bc how did he find my cousin out of state in the 1st place? Ugh I wish I could talk to you one last time and I wish things didn’t end so bad with us...