My self esteem is an ALL TIME LOW.

Im so depressed lately that I hardly wanna get up and do anything at all, and I feel like such a bad mom to my toddlers cause I’m being so selfish.😞 i know self esteem is supposed to come from loving urself and all that but i hate myself, and what I’ve become and I’ve entirely left my self love up to the way my SO feels/treats me, which is wrong I know but idk, I don’t talk to all but a handful of people, who aren’t even close enough for me to really open up to and idfk.. I’m just depressed af and can’t pull myself out😖, I’m getting all emotional just writing this. Idk where to start in fixing myself and i always think; WHATS THE FCKN POINT?! It’s not like my SO is gonna notice anyways, he never even says two words when I get done up, makeup on, hair done, none of that, but then brings it up when we fight, and says that I don’t even wear my hair down for him, just when I plan on seeing one of my old friends..-and even went as far as breaking my straightener during a fight just a couple weeks ago, but I guess forgot about the time(a week or so prior) that I got all ready for him just to pick me up even tho we were in a huge fight. 🙄 i know this all sounds extremely trivial but I’ve literally reshaped my whole life basically to suit him and whatever he’s got going on, so now I feel so alone with the person I used to imagine “forever” with. 😩😔🥺