I still think about you everyday. I listen to your favorite music so you can enjoy our time together, I know you’re with me at times. I’ve fallen asleep with you on my mind, I’ve feel asleep crying and hoping to see you again. I’ve attempted to hang myself in order to see you again, and to hug you one more time. You were a blessing to everyone, your older brother, your father and your mother. You were a blessing to me even if we weren’t as close as we used to be before we got older. I remember you at my birthday party, you were so kind and I knew you were my best friend. I remember playing the piano with you at your house, and we used the punching bag in yours and your brothers room. Each day it hurts knowing you hurt so bad, you killed yourself because of this pain.

I am sorry I wasn’t there to be your support system. I would’ve helped you with everything I had. I knew you were scared to reach out and I wish you hadn’t felt that way, I wish you would’ve called. I wish I could’ve taken your hurt.

Some people are way too good for this world and that’s exactly what you were Tristan. Everyone loves you, they hold onto the memories of you and hope they’ll wake up to find you back in your room with your warm smile. Remembering your grandmother hold me and sob at your funeral breaks my heart, watching your brother break as he spoke about you hurt. He ran away the night you died.

I remember my mother telling me about your passing, it was 4 am in August. It was a hard night, it was a horrible night. I cried a lot. I still cry a lot when I think of how amazing you are. It makes me cry knowing I have to wait to see you again.

I am so sorry you didn’t have the support you needed. I am so sorry you hurt. I am so sorry, and I miss you with all of my heart. You will forever be on my mind Tristan. And I know you are here with me at times, I understand you visit your father and brother more. You don’t owe me anything and I hope you know that, please rest well. I will never stop thinking of you.

You are a beautiful soul, on the inside and out. Thank you so much for the pleasure of knowing you. I love you and I miss you beyond what words can explain.

- N