life struggles

I’ve been wanting to move out of Texas for the LONGEST and transfer universities start a new life in another state, and I’ve been saving money to move but it feels like nothing is ever in my favor, this semester my financial aid was cancelled and i had to pay for college out of pocket but fortunately i hadn’t used my hs scholarship so basically this semester was free although i still have to pay out of pocket for my books, I thought I could save $1k a month until my hours at work went from 38 to 15/20 so that didn’t work out for me and then my financial aid got pulled because i didn’t meet the completion rate requirements and although i’m getting my hours back it seems like my savings account isn’t looking any different than before and I’d be lying if I haven’t thought of giving up completely but for some reason i keep on fooling myself by thinking that i can do it. I plan on getting a second job this summer but I don’t think I’ll have enough saved and i’m scared of taking out a student loan because I’m not the kind of person to ask for loans. it’s so ridiculous that I can keep my promises to other people but i can’t even keep one to myself. I don’t know, it feels like I’m setting myself up for disappointment but I know i’m not?