9 years

I’ll be married 9 years in June. We’ve had sex without protection for 9 years. I knew from an early age that I would have trouble having a child when I lost an ovary to a cancerous tumor and finding out I had PCOS. I’ve done numerous fertility treatments. We have not done IVF. I took a long break and decided not to “think about it,” you know the wonderful advice we always here and went back to school. I’m a nurse practitioner with a thriving small rural family practice. I have a wonderful husband and amazing step-daughter. I also have an angel baby I lost at 9 weeks after a successful fertility treatment. There isn’t a day that goes by I don’t wish for a baby in my uterus, something grown from the love between my husband and I. I’m a Christian but I have a lot of anger. I know our home is meant for more, and our family isn’t done. It may be a pregnancy or it may be adoption. We are currently working on that. I could fill a 50 gallon barrel both with pregnancy tests....and my tears. Whoever is reading this and may be struggling, you’re not alone. I’m sorry to vent, I have no other place to. It isn’t fair, not being able to do what others can so easily do. This isn’t a “hang in there, it worked for me finally” post, it’s because we hurt and I know you feel so alone.