Look, I love my MiL. She gave birth to the man of my dreams. And my love for the last decade.

But honest to God, I’m super thankful there are 5 states and 8 hours between us.

The last time she was here was Christmas. It sucked. It sucked for me. It sucked for the kids and even her son was like thank God when she left.

I’m due to give birth in 5 weeks. My son is due to turn 2 in three weeks. Now, I’m the queen of the birthday party. Maybe has something to do with my mom not really doing them when we were kids. I was not deprived. But she was not the theme, buy a cake, invite friends mom. She didn’t have the money to be most of the time. And that’s okay. I do. I’ve thrown some rocking kid birthday parties since becoming a mommy.

But honestly, I just can’t do it this year. I can’t decorate the church gym, buy the cakes, fill a buffet, and decorations, and host 50 people. Including family from out of town. And frankly, my boy doesn’t need anymore stuff. Especially with my delivery date so close.

So we decided we’d go a different route. I planned to make him a cake shaped like a 2 and I got his favorite Sesame street characters

To set on top. And we were gonna drive the hour to the Build a Bear for the birthday Bear. The child loves stuffed animals. And he loves his big brothers Bear.

Nobody but us. No church friends. No family traveling in. No house I have to clean because let’s face it, I’m already over this pregnancy. And I’ve had the worst back and hip pain ever with this baby. Plus, it’s my chance to just focus on my boy before he shares his birthday month with little brother. And I know, realistically, he will probably share a few parties with him.

I explained that to my MIL. I wasn’t doing a party. Not hosting my normal huge hoopla. No need for her to travel in. She doesn’t always come. She didn’t come to the last child’s birth which is fine.

And FYI, my mom isn’t coming either. My mom lives a lot closer. She’s been involved in my kids lives their entire lives. My husband will go visit my parents without me. We are all super close. My husband will call my dad for advice. And has been known to meet him half way for lunch. And I’m thankful. I wish I could have such a relationship with his family. But its not happening. A decade together and I know this.

I know I’m not her favorite. I know she comes to see him and the kids. She has shown up and invited just my husband and son out and left me at home. She drove to my baby shower. Saw my husband and son and decided to leave before my party. She had no gift. It was always her intention. She comes in and demands her plans. And I love my husband, but he sees her so rarely (thank God), he tends to just let her have her way. I can have a plan in play for months and she arrives and ruins it.

Worse, she is always LATE. So we will rearrange our plans to accommodate her and she will be 6 hours behind showing up. 😑🤷🏻‍♀️

I selfishly just wanted these last few weeks alone with my family. With my kids before we have this baby.

I just wanted her to come for the birth if she’s coming. But she wants to come sooner because my mother will be at the birth. And she’s jealous of my mom. And she can be real snobby to my mom when my mom will do everything she can to try and give her the space with the kids. But my mom is around. My kids know her. They sleep at her house. My MIL is unfamiliar and they just naturally defer to my mom if she’s the grandma around.

My MiL can be mean. She picks on my oldest. She will make fun of him. I had a grandmother that way. And as an adult I basically have zero relationship with her. My sons are wired the same. They will continue to distance themselves from her. Even my husband realizes our kids don’t react well to that kind of pick on you love. It’s a miracle he doesn’t treat the kids that way. If he did, I wouldn’t be in a happy marriage. I don’t like that kinda thing.

This is probably a long stupid rant. I’m too far pregnant. Basically, I expressed to my husband I didn’t want company and it fell on deaf ears. Not allowed to tell her no because my mom comes whenever she wants. (Truth is, she’s been around too much too. And I’ve made it clear I didn’t want any company until after the baby is born. I need a break from my mom too.) There is an attitude of my mom gets one on one all the time and so I should cave any time his mom deems she wants to come.

I don’t want company. I want to do the plans I’ve made with my family for my child’s birthday. So I’m selfish.