So a little back story. My dad was killed in a fire. April 4th 2009. My mom passed away suddenly this past July. Found out the father of my twin boys had been cheating. Recently we have been working on things. Things havent been easy. And I'm not going to allow it to be easy for him. I am taking the pill. Well was. I found out April 4th 2019. On my dads 10 year anniversary. That I was pregnant. I'll be honest. I wasnt happy I didnt understand when I've been taking my pill and I have a set timer when it needs to be taken. I was very shocked. But came to accept it, thinking maybe it was a sign from my parents that I'm doing good. Now I didnt tell my boys father. I didnt know how to just because we have a lot to work through. I was very nervous. I made a appt which couldn't get in till the 16th. Which is tomorrow. So I decided to wait till after the appt and after he got home from work to tell him... not knowing that within a 6 day period. All my thoughts about baby announcements and nursery ideas would be just that. Just thoughts. On April 10th. I started bleeding. I was in no pain. With my first pregnancy I had implantation bleeding and bled off and on till I was about 6 months pregnant. So I wasnt too worried even more so cause my doctor told me I would most likely bleed like that every pregnancy. But I should have worried. I should have went that morning to the hospital. Regardless of them being able to do anything or not but I didnt. I waited. Woke up on the 11th. Still bleeding. Was never heavy bleeding. Just light. I decided to go to the hospital. And they took me to the sonogram room. And I knew. I knew by the look on the nurses face. My miracle baby. Was no longer with me. But back with my mom and dad. That isnt the worst part though. The worst part is nobody telling you. Even though you feel empty you still have symptoms. I'm still craving churros and arby's. My boobs still hurt. Still have nausea. And I just want it to stop. I've wanted a baby for over a year now.. and it just hasn't happened and then when it does. It doesnt. My boys father still doesnt know. I dont exactly know how to tell him. He knows something is off with me. But I change the subject. I'm not sure how to tell him. And maybe part of the reason is cause I'm not really ready to accept it??? I'm not sure... I just needed to vent... sorry for the long post. Too any mamas who read this. Whether you have children. Whether you lost children. Miscarried. You are in my thoughts and prayers🙏🙏