Question

January 2019, i had my first emotional breakdown. It was an overwhelming feeling, I just cannot describe, all I felt was pain. Last month, I had another one, which led to self-harm and dealing with the fact i was sexually abused as a child... I haven’t been able since then to make it through a full work week without crying or wanting to end it. I just feel like the world is falling on me and some days it’s hard for me to breathe. It seems, every time someone expresses their disappointment in me, that’s when I start to shift and negative thoughts start happening. I’m literally in a “sunken place”, I want to be that exciting girl again, but mentally i cannot. my boyfriend thinks it because I’m spoiled or the lack of responsibilities i have, when that’s not the case. How can i get back to me? Is this really depression?