I’m so tired of crying and being angry or being let down or being so stressed.

This week has sucked. It has sucked from moment one until today.

My toddler has chronic ear infections. I’ve been in process of getting him tubes. When I scheduled his surgery weeks and weeks ago, I didn’t have any way of know this would be the week from Hell. The specialist in the entire state is 2 hours away. The hospital is across the state line. So every doctor visit and preop has been a two hour drive.

I didn’t know I’d be needed bedrest again. I didn’t know this baby would put me in so much pain I’d barely be able to walk. I didn’t know how hard it would be to push through. I didn’t know how hormonal and scared and angry the whole thing would make me.

Last weekend, my oldest starter acting like he had a bladder infection. It got progressively worse. He ended up with a fever. And we ended up at the doctor and the hospital. All the initial lab work came back clean. Doc says it might me a phase. Phases don’t cause fevers of over 100! He said there may be something going on with his penis development. That the hole may not be opening enough causing him to not empty and making him go so super frequently. Which could require surgery and a specialist...in the city. 2 hours away. My baby is in preschool. He’s been potty trained for years. He’s frustrated and embarrassed. And wetting the bed and running to potty constantly is getting old. He’s up at night. And he’s exhausted.

I was up most of the night. 35 weeks. My hips and back hurt so bad. We got up before dawn to take our toddler to surgery today. My one year old was thirsty, hungry, confused, and tired. The surgery went fine, but the recovery time wasn’t long enough. And he was miserable. In the middle of nowhere on the way home, he began throwing up. Excessively. Puke EVERYWHERE.

My back and pregnant belly just couldn’t take it all. There was puddles of puke. An hour of home. He was covered. Cars were flying by. We were almost creamed on the side of the road. I was fighting with a tired, sick, miserable toddler. Begging God to help us get his seat empty of puke and him cleaned enough to make the final leg of the trip so we could take his seat apart and get him to the tub. God love my hubby. He hates puke. He’s a sympathy puker. But I couldn’t have done it without him. He cleaned puddles of vomit on the side of the road while idiots on cell phones texting nearly creaming my family.

By the time we got home, I was covered in puke. I took my tired toddler to the tub. Bathed him on my aching knees. While my husband took apart his car seat which was saturated with vomit.

My mom drove in for the surgery. She had my oldest today while we were 2 hours away. She lives two hours away. She doesn’t work. She’s great with my kids.

By the time I got the kids home and down for a desperate nap, I was crying from the pain. I’m supposed to be at home. Not hauling and running around. And I was in crazy pain. Exhausted. And angry. Angry that my pregnant body wouldn’t go anymore. Angry that my babies need me. And I have no patience. And my body won’t let me pick up and deal with my two kids.

I was sobbing. Exhaustion, stress, and frustrated. I’m not too proud that all I can think is I can’t do this another 4 weeks. I’m scared I won’t recover from this pregnancy and I won’t be able to take care of all three with them

Having medical issues. Dear God please let this baby be normal and healthy.

My mom literally was like you have to get off your feet. She came in and promised she wouldn’t leave until I said I was okay. She doesn’t work. She had an event Saturday but it’s just Thursday. She could’ve stayed another night. I just needed some help tonight. She said she’d go to the store. So I crashed with my two boys.

I literally woke up to a text saying she was home. She left while I was asleep. I felt like she said anything to make me rest. But did none of them. She even told my husband she doesn’t know how we will do it all. She never even did anything she offered. She never went to the store. Like seriously I just needed toilet paper because the peeing 5 year old, puking one year old, and 8 month pregnant woman have run through it. And she offered so I could get off my feet. I’m not even supposed to go to the store per my doctors. She told my husband she’d come back Saturday night. I don’t need her Saturday. Honestly I just needed to get off my feet tonight and have some help

With my grumpy toddler and preschooler.

The whole thing made so angry. I don’t like asking for help. Im a grown ass woman. I chose to have kids. But I’m in crazy pain. And pushed my pregnant body too far today. And my toddler is struggling. And we are out of essentials. You know, toilet paper and drinks. I’d have paid for it all, but I’m not even supposed to go to the grocery store. And I drove two hours and back twice this week for this child’s surgery.

We also had multiple funerals this week between all the rest. My husband has worked 13-16 hours every day. He’s exhausted.

We ordered pizza. I can’t cook. I’m sick of pizza and junk. I meal planned all week. And everything from the surgery to my oldest needed a doctor himself kept Me from cooking.

I feel like pure crap. Everything hurts. My kids are moody. And not feeling great. Cartoons

On. And all I want to do is cry.