Sad feelings

I just want to talk and just let my feelings out. Please don’t judge me I just need to talk. I am a mom of four two toddlers and I had twins last year. This has been the hardest time of my life. I have recently just deleted all my social media because I couldn’t take the pressure and feeling like I wasn’t good enough. I love my kids and my husband but I just want to cry some days because I feel like I will never be good enough for them. I am suffering and I feel sad a lot and I haven’t told anyone. I don’t want to cry around my little ones. Why is life so hard? Like I am trying to find my purpose and I don’t see it. I use to have a really good job until I left after my second pregnancy and now I feel like I have no pride left. I don’t know how to explain my feelings other then sadness. I have seen doctors and all they want to do is prescribe anxiety pills. I just wish I could talk to someone and I wish I knew what was wrong with me