Postpartum has hit me hard with my body issues. I can tell I'm falling back into my old habits when I used food as a crutch for my emotions. Where binge eating disorder took over my life. I am an advocate for health and wellness. I'm a certified personal trainer and have a certificate in nutrition. I know EVERYTHING I am supposed to do. I know how to do it. I gained 60lbs during my pregnancy. I've lost none of it breastfeeding. My 10 month old is EBF and I know my poor eating choices could affect him. I feel the worst mom guilt ever. Why can't I care for myself anymore? I used to eat clean and exercise. I can't seem to get back on track. I've tried working out with a friend, we work out daily. My husband and I plan weekly activities that are outdoorsy and active, I wake up before my son almost every day to attempt to sneak in some me time and have my caffeine and hopefully a healthy breakfast, I've tried small changes (which I agree is the best approach to weight loss). But nothing is working because our life is so chaotic (we both have very flexible jobs and it is incredibly difficult to have even the slightest routine). I am getting more depressed which makes me turn to horrible food. I know my sugar is off because of all this. I feel like a failure, a fraud, and a horrible mom. I'm so uncomfortable with my body. I'm disgusted with my body. I'm embarrassed to run into people I know. I am just feeling so lost. This was not the way I thought I would be as a mom.