I need some confidence ... is he abusive to me ?

Hey ladies, so lately I truly need some confidence in myself...

I think I lost my own self and I just stared to realize that.

My man and I have been together for 7 months now. He is my first and I truly love him.

But I just feel like he is not appreciating me anymore and is used to the fact that I will always be loving him.

Everything is great until once a month he has this whole different personality and starts to push me away by saying very mean things to me that make me cry. He has a tendency to say very horrible things when he is very angry or mad just to make me cry more.

When I cry he says it’s a shame for him when I cry but then when he gets calm he says it’s because he feels horrible when I shed tears.

He said he wants kids with me very much and wants me to be with him his whole life we even went to measure my finger for a maybe someday “ring”. Last week that “one day” of a month happened and he yelled at me SO much like he has never yelled before because I have some insecurities and he gets very angry with me when I have them. Everything I say makes him mad and my opinion for him is just an “excuse” it breaks my heart when he used to say he wants to take care of my sweetness and my gentle soul but then he just breaks me in pieces every time he has that. Then he apologizes and says he doesn’t want to make me cry ever again and I believe him and then he still does the same thing. What also hurts me is that he wants me to change... this never happens before. He says I’m too loud sometimes and that I laugh too much. That I need to be independent without him and that I haven’t changed in 7 months anywhere and this makes him mad... but I do change ! I do work on myself ... it hurts me so much. He focuses on bad things and not on good ones...

but then after all that he is all sweet and he expects me to act like nothing has happened...

he doesn’t understand why im sad...

idk how to get my confidence back... how to stop depend on him... I don’t want to let him destroy my heart and soul because he doesn’t care clearly...

it’s I love him truly and he lets me love him...

that hurts... I feel very stupid and dumb...

thanks girls...

P.S He used to send me a sweet message before in our relationship during the day but now he doesn’t do that... maybe it’s because our honeymoon phase has passed but I don’t believe in this...

it breaks my heart so much... and I worry that maybe because he doesn’t see me change he a acts this way ... maybe if I would have been different and the way he wants me to be he would love me... 😭😭😭

This is me btw ... :