Tonight was a first.

Tonight was the first time i couldn’t calm my baby from crying. No matter how much i fed, burped, changed, held, and bounced, he would not stop. I finally put him in his swing and he passed out.

Tonight was also the first time i cried from the stress of him crying. I was able to hold it together but when my mom FaceTimed me right when he fell asleep i lost it. I couldn’t help it. Tonight was the first time i doubted myself as a mother. I’m better now, but damn this sucks doing it all alone.

I’m ready for my husband to come back from deployment and it hasn’t even been a week. How am i going to do this for months?