Today I learned I may have to willingly terminate my little boy. I’m 20 weeks pregnant and after my anatomy scan it was revealed that he has kidney and brain malformations. I haven’t been able to stop crying, I’m wheezing and my heart is broken. I wouldn’t wish this type of pain on anyone. I keep blaming myself and just can’t understand why. I already had all the baby stuff I needed, I had his crib and just moved into a two bedroom unit to accommodate him. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if I should try again if I have to terminate, or if I should just give up for good. I’ve had 4 miscarriages in the past and now this, i just don’t know if it’s even worth the heart ache of trying again. I honestly just want to die right now.