Awful first Mother’s Day
I feel so stupid, I’ve been crying for the last like half an hour because I got way too emotional about how terrible this day ended up being. My son is coming off being sick and woke up multiple times in the night and then up right at 6am crying inconsolably. I totally imagined my first Mother’s Day to be special, like my husband would let me sleep in, have a nice breakfast, and we would all three go out and have a fun day together as a family. Instead I spent the majority of the morning desperately trying to calm my sobbing baby, while crying too and feeling like a failure of a mom when I lose my patience and want to snap at him. I’m over exhausted and I feel terrible for my baby and terrible that I keep losing my patience and frustrated that my day turned out nothing like I imagined. I know it sounds selfish but my husband really didn’t go out of his way at all to make the day special, he got me a card and a gift that I picked out, but like, my lunch today was leftover pizza and I couldn’t even eat it in peace because my son wouldn’t go down for a nap and I was too worked up about that. I should just be grateful today to even be a mom because I tried for two years before conceiving my son, but instead I’m throwing myself a pity party and just generally feeling awful. I just wanted to rant somewhere.