Hey guys,

So it’s really weird for me to post about this because it’s not something I talk about with strangers but I need advice..

When I was 12 years old I was raped by my uncle. It came out when I was 13. It haunts me to this day and now I’m the age of 21. When I was 17 I lost MY given virginity to a boy in high school because I wanted a different image. It then led to stupid hook ups to hide the pain I was in to then getting into an abusive relationship with my ex where he then sexually assaulted me. You may have a different opinion on that but to me I was violated. He would get me hammered to the point where I wasn’t able to fight anything and then he forced anal. This was something I NEVER wanted to try but it happened and it happened about 5 times. After the break up I went into the crazy hookup stage to hide from my pain. I then met my current boyfriend who I love dearly. Our sex life was crazy and we couldn’t keep our hands off one another and I finally felt safe. Then one day sex became harder for me to make the first move on. It’s not that I don’t want him because I do.. I don’t know what’s wrong with me and why I’m not as sexual anymore. Tonight we actually got into a dispute about it and I still want to cry but I’ve held back my tears. He thinks I don’t love him or want him anymore and honestly I’m scared he’s just gonna end it. But I don’t know how to fix it because I don’t know what my issue is. I just feel hopeless and like crap honestly and I need some advice. I didn’t want to use the rape card because that’s apart of my story but that’s not all I am. Thanks for reading and potential advice