My daughter is going through her terrible 2’s!!!!

My daughter is 2 turning 3 in December. Recently she has started to throw huge tantrums. She bites, kicks, throws stuff when it doesn’t go her way. She sticks her tongue out and she also spits, not only at me but she’ll build up spit and slowly spit it on the floor as it hangs from her mouth. I know; it’s disgusting. I don’t know what her dad and I are doing wrong. We don’t hit her but recently I had to spank her because she’s too much. I felt bad because that’s now who I am and she’s only 2, doesn’t really understand what’s going on. Or maybe she does? I don’t know. She spends most of the day with my grandmother who watches her. She listens to her all the time. But she won’t listen to me. She’ll listen to her dad only if he raises her voice. I really don’t feel like raising or spanking her is the answer. I don’t think we’re being good parents but talking to her isn’t working and we just don’t know what to do.