Post partum psychosis ??

I’m 19 and 8 weeks pp.

i love my daughter to pieces but I’m struggling inside... i kept her because i personally did not believe in abortion for myself. I took responsibility.. He got me pregnant on purpose, as he later admitted that to me, we used condoms But he poked holes in it . I later found out he had other children that he also abandoned and he has yet another one on the way with some girl. I can’t even get child support because he is self employed... they closed my case...

Her father abandoned us right when she was born (he was 30).. and i had to go back to my parents because we had our own stuff straight and were going to get married when i first found out i was pregnant..

I had to go back to work (I’m a manager of a restraunt) and i can’t afford a babysitter and don’t trust people unless i really know them.

So my parents take turns watching her when i work. I have a couple “13 hour shifts” to where i leave at 8 am and come back around 9:30-10 pm.. but when I’m home i don’t get help. They didn’t even help me when i got mastitis.. atleast to watch her when i needed a nap and had a 104 degree fever from the infection and was in pain.. i know they aren’t reliable for my baby. But i have nobody. And i honestly feel completely alone..

Just the past two weeks. I have felt very sad, depressed, lonely and get very mad very fast..

Little things set me off , in example: (sprite bottle falling out of the fridge... i screamed and threw it against the wall...)

My 8 week old is very colic. So she screams for hours on end. And gets overtired fast so screams more . I personally have found out how to level down some of the screaming by giving more naps but when they watch her they don’t listen to my advice when I’m working all day where i tell them to put her down for naps every 1.5-2 hours , because when i get her at night it takes the whole night to get her to sleep since she’s overtired because they didn’t listen. So i get absolutely no sleep and then have to work another 13 hours the next day. Sometimes i crash while trying to put the baby to bed so she’ll cry herself to sleep.. i hate that it happens but i need sleep and i wake up not remembering how i or her fell asleep.

When she gets in those crying phases i get so frustrated and get bad thoughts about her and then regret having her and then get guilt. Because i love her and i know it’s just the stress talking. As when I’ve gotten sleep and have had a break , i don’t feel that way.. when i get to that point i leave her on my bed to cry and walk away to ensure both of our safety...

I have told my mother how i feel and she laughs and i told her i need to see someone about this she waved it off and told me that i just need to walk away from her when it happens. But like i need the help for the depression in general not just the situation itself.

I want to completely stop it from happening..

I’m even more depressed because i feel bad for my daughter for not having a dad.. i grew up with my bio dad not being a good man.

Not caring enough and it sucks..

I also see everyone doing everything and i have no time for myself or anything.

In the past couple weeks i have also had auditory hallucinations where i hear someone whisper or the other night i heard a woman say something and ignored it..

Never had that occur until now.

I guess I’m writing this because i don’t want to feel alone on it. Maybe some advice ??