Vent.. I hate myself at the moment 😔

I dunno why I keep doing this to myself, perhaps I want it so bad, perhaps I want to give my husband what I feel he deserves.

I’ve been taking cheap eBay ovulation and HCG tests for the last 6 months. For the first time yesterday my HCG test had a vvvvvvvvfl but I threw it in the bin knowing it was an evap. Hours later I had another look out of curiosity (I know, I know silly me, should be reading results in time frame only) I had a look and the line had become darker.

Thinking nothing really of it I kept the test aside and did another one in the evening. No faint line straight away but a vvvvvvfl appeared yet again outside of the time frame (an hour later).

I did another one this morning with FMU and the vvvvvfl appeared half an hour.

I’m honestly at a point with this where even getting a false line feels better than a negative altogether.

All the lines are pink still and the strips were still wet when I checked them (it’s 18• degrees Celsius here at most during the day at the moment so things don’t really dry quickly 🤷🏽‍♀️).

Has anyone done similar things to keep themselves hopeful? Has anyone had lines like these appear that turned out to be positive later on?

I dunno what I’m seeking I guess. I’m just sad 😞

1. Taken yesterday morning:

2. Taken this morning