I have a 3 week old baby. I know they have random sleep schedules and all that.

But every night we have a routine to slow down. Get ready for bed and make it relaxing. Then put her in her basinet to sleep. She’ll fall asleep in our arms and then once in the basinet for 10 or less min she starts to roll around (so we stopped swaddling completely), she doesn’t have pain but will fart and wake herself up and she grunts and moves for hours without actually sleeping. We tried swaddling and different kinds of swaddles. She hated them all and hates swaddling. She rolls around too much for us to use a swaddle sack. We only want to use safe sleeping practices and do not want to bed share. So we don’t let her sleep in our bed or with blankets or anything. She will sleep really well when we hold her. Tonight she was rolling around and must have rolled and swallowed at the same time so she started to choke. My husband has PTSD and had a family member pass from SIDS at 3 month of age. So he’s so worried about her that he hardly sleeps. I can literally count the amount of hours I have slept on two hands. I’m worried that I’m going to get so tired I fall asleep with her feeding one night or something. What can we do?! Please! Any helpful advice would be great!

Edit: the startle reflex isn’t what is waking her. We thought that was it so that’s why we tried swaddling. She hates her hands and arms being tied down. She cries and tries to break free from swaddling. She does do the newborn curl which causes some movement. But she also will move all over the place! I didn’t realize 3 week old babies can do this. She has no issues falling asleep in our arms, laying on our chests or even when we lay her down to change her diaper. Once she’s in the basinet, she’s waking up and making noises all night. My husband literally wants us to take “shifts” to watch her 😫. I’m so tired! He is so worried about her that he doesn’t like to put her in the basinet but we still try it every night. My husband works so I’m home alone with baby. I NEED sleep so I can care for her and not have an accident by falling asleep with her.